week 13

i don't know how it happened, but leon is like a different baby. he's longer, chubbier, and uses his hands and feet in a more coordinated manner. a friend gave leon an octopus soft toy, and i was shocked to see him actually play with it. for the past few weeks i've offered various toys to him, but he didn't quite know how to use his hands. as exciting as the first two months were in terms of development, now i eagerly look forward to his daily discoveries. it certainly ameliorates the screaming fits before naps and bedtime, along with the night feedings (2-3 times).

the same friend who gave leon the toy is also an academic mother with a 2.5 year old. she chose to have a baby after finishing the dissertation but agreed with me that it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. sure, she has a job, but it isn't tenure-track. furthermore, with a wriggly active toddler, it's exceedingly hard for her to write, let alone do research on new projects or attend conferences, which are helpful for getting that tenure-track job. like me, she has an architect husband, so pretty much all of the housekeeping and parenting duties are her job, along with a full-time teaching load. she wasn't able to breastfeed, but this allowed her to get back to teaching quickly. however, once her son started walking, it's been pretty hectic.

i don't know how parents manage it, but i know eventually leon and i will figure things out. i'm trying to be patient, but time is running out for the dissertation. i have three months to complete a draft before going on the job market. i just met with one of my advisers who told me to scrap most of what i have (all 100 pages). i'll be able to salvage quite a bit, but following her advice requires a massive reconceptualization of my topic and theoretical framework. i definitely feel galvanized by her suggestions, but it's nonetheless daunting. leon does not make it easy. but oh how i love to squeeze his chubby thighs and tickle him under his triple chin.

brunch outfit

nature baby singlet

nature baby footie

flora and henri lap tee

oeuf alpaca necktie

in the past week or so we've started venturing out in spite of this schizophrenic weather. nursing and diaper changes continue to be challenging, but having now nursed and changed diapers twice in the car (uncomfortable) and once at the saks womens' lounge (easy), we're starting to get the hang of it. leon definitely prefers being out in noisy places. he falls asleep pretty quickly and doesn't make a peep until he's hungry.

on saturday matthew, leon, and i went to sofra bakery to have brunch with stephanie and sean. leon had a great time getting dressed. that boy definitely loves his stripes.

getting dressed is such a chore

onesie by stephanie
jelly baby changing pad



newborn sized diapers are getting too tight...


flora and henri lap-tee


makie hadagi

you'd think any son of mine would love getting dressed in the morning. poor leon, his patience is sorely tested as i try out various outfits on him. just wait until he's older. we'll both be late for appointments due to last-minute wardrobe changes.

planning our great escape

today leon saw the world for the first time. i held him over my shoulder and he was utterly silent (a welcome respite), his eyes darting and focusing on his surroundings. when i held him in front of our large bay window, i could finally tell that he was able to see something.

the number of times i've left the house since he was born.
pediatrician--4 times
midwife--once
postpartum support group--once
school--once for a lecture
grocery store--2 times
walk around the block--2 times
coffee shop--once

my mother is keeping me under house arrest for one month. last thursday when i had a low fever, body chills, migraine, and engorgement for two days, i could tell she felt vindicated. i haven't left the house since thursday, except to water the plants on the deck once. i know i'm so lucky to have someone cooking, cleaning, and helping with leon, but it can be very frustrating when you're told that asian bodies are different and therefore i can't leave the house and can only eat and drink hot things for the first three weeks. i could go on and on, but instead leon and i are planning our escape.

the weather is steadily improving and spring break is next week. i haven't worn my new mayle mirabelle dress yet, so i think it's time to make reservations at craigie on main to finally have my birthday dinner, two months late.

and next week my mother and i have massages in arlington, so maybe leon will finally get to go outside. his stroller (micralite toro) arrived last week, but since i didn't buy a carrycot, i'm not sure he'll be able to use it for a few more months. we bought it on ebay for half off, and it arrived new in box with the warranty card and everything. if we hadn't bought it for so cheap, we would have ordere the maclaren techno xt. i'm so over $600+ strollers!

week 24 v. week 37

my joints are all loosey-goosey nowadays, but boy am i grateful that i can still walk at a pretty fast pace. i have so much left to do in terms of writing that it seems like i'm always rushing around looking for books. i thought i would calmly knit a few booties during these final weeks, but i feel much happier sticking to my regular workload.

baby things accomplished this week:
diaper trash can (just a small one from simple human)
put up wall art over the crib
ordered a mattress from my local foam store (the owner is ancient and very sweet)
bought diapers (we're going to wait and see whether we'd like to sign up for a diaper service)
met with our doula, who showed us laboring positions and helped strategize (really helpful)
bought a nursing top on sale from japanese weekend
ordered a larger fridge for my mom
tried out the microlite stroller and decided to postpone our stroller purchase until we find out what's happening with mountain buggy.

still left to do:
do i really need an infant bunting suit?
install car seat and have it inspected
pack hospital bag with goodies like smart water and rice chips
finish putting away books and other piles of stuff
keep looking for a used poang chair on craigslist

shower # 2 and a stroller crisis of conscience

yesterday we had a second baby shower and received many lovely gifts including this mobile. architecture students are known to use school equipment for everything and anything, and this is no exception. the card-stock was laser-etched (looks very similar to letterpress) with various 'archi-speak' words including 'reification,' 'foucauldian,' and my favorite, 'affect' and 'effect' paired together. i am assuming this child will spring from my womb discoursing about the nature of the sublime if he takes after matthew.



so i bought a diaper changing clutch from nonchalant mom, which means i can do without overpriced and very unattractive diaper bags. i do, however, still need a functional bag that can be easily wiped down or cleaned. i am thinking this nylon market tote will do the trick.



maybe it's because i have less than 4 weeks left, i'm starting to feel nervous about our slow preparations. i've been researching strollers for months, test driving them at the shop and obsessively checking craigslist for gently used, more affordable options. i'm hoping to carry him as much as possible, but with my bad shoulders and neck, i know that going without a stroller is not an option.

so, matthew and i finally settled on the new mountain buggy swift. in a world where $600 strollers still don't have everything i want and need, the swift is about the best i can get. although heavy (21 lbs), it handles marvelously, has a sturdy hammock seat, can be used from birth, the canopy is large, the 10 inch air-filled tires cut through the slush, and the decently sized storage basket is easy to reach. you'd think that all strollers would be designed to be functional, but the more time i spent with them, the more i realized how many compromises we're expected to make even as we spend huge amounts of money.

sure, we could go the maclaren route ($80-300), and no doubt we'll end up with a volo for traveling, but i wanted something that would be comfortable for long excursions but still practical for second-floor living in cambridge. i love the bugaboo bee, but today in the shop i asked a parent to place her 9-month old in it, which confirmed my suspicions about its main design flaw. she's about the size of an average 12-month baby, and from the looks of it, would only fit in the beee for about 4-6 more months because the canopy is low and the seat is very narrow. for $530, plus $100+ in accessories, i said no thank you.

anyway, the problem with mountain buggy is that they just filed for bankruptcy. this new zealand company, which manufactures all of its strollers in NZ, is suffering from an expansion last year. bad timing, you could call it. anyway, if it doesn't find a buyer soon, it'll have to cease production. this means that its global 3-year warranty will be null and void. i've heard how well-made the strollers are, but it seems like a bad move to spend $550 if the warranty is useless. matthew thinks that if the strollers go on sale for $250, we should just get one.

well, so i just spent almost 2 hours at this shop hemming and hawing over the strollers. i've turned into a goldilocks of the most dissatisfied and guilt-ridden sort.

quinny buzz 4? i like the two seat fabrics (memory foam and canvas), but it's incredibly heavy and i would have to purchase a separate bassinet.
uppa baby vista? the price is good for the included bassinet, and the storage basket is one of the biggest i've seen. at over 24 lbs, however, i don't think i could schlep it around town and into the apartment, though.
bugaboo frog? i prefer this to the cameleon, probably because it's a pound or two lighter, although the basket is quite small and difficult to access. however, i'm pretty disappointed in how it handles compared with the swift--not so sharp on turns and tight spaces. plus, the fold is one of the dumbest i've ever seen. taking the seat/bassinet off is the easiest part, actually. once that's off, the chassis isn't exactly locked into place (it stands like a drunken sailor). and yet, you still have to press down on a lever during stage one of the fold. then you have to lift it up and make sure the other metal bar snaps into place. when you lift the handle to unfold it, you have to kick the bar out so that it opens out again. i'm sure this gets easier with time, but that's still 1 step too many for me. the thought of taking the seat off and doing a little song-and-dance in the slush and freezing cold is not exactly appealing.

and what about the micralite toro? this is the dark horse contender (love the green). i would have to spend more for the newborn bassinet, but it's relatively light (19 lbs), easy to fold (although not very compact), and has a seat with positions like the bugaboo's (i.e. flat to extremely upright). the storage basket is apparently difficult to access, you have to remove the canopy along with the bumper bar in order to take the latter off, and the back wheels are so close together that people apparently kick them. oh, and you need to use an allen wrench to adjust the handles. hmmm. for $700, you'd think this wouldn't be an issue. anyway, i need to find a shop that carries them so i can try it out for myself.

when i was a baby, my parents used a cheap umbrella stroller, nothing so nice as the maclaren. i suspect most of us used one of these during the 70s and 80s. i also rode around in a car most of the time in the suburbs. i certainly didn't sleep in a $1000+ crib system, nor did i wear $22 cotton caps.

as much as i'd like for little allen to have well-designed, beautiful things, now is the time to set some limits. if only i could make up my mind about what they are for strollers. maybe i'll just wait 3 months until he's able to ride in the uppababy g-luxe, which may or may not be a more comfortable stroller than the lightweight maclarens. i'm probably over-thinking it, but i hate spending money on something that i'm not 95% satisfied with. it isn't even about how much i spend, just that i hate accumulating stuff that i don't love. with babies comes lots of stuff. my job is to keep it to a minimum. sometimes that means overthinking to the point that i need a nap--or ice cream. i think i'll go with the latter.

the skirt that saved my pregnancy

marimekko top
rebecca taylor cardigan
a.p.c. skirt
m.p. wool tights

this a.p.c. skirt is pretty much the only thing i can wear without throwing a hissy fit. remember those paige maternity jeans that i 'had' to have? well, they're still too big on me. at 35 weeks with 2 weeks til i'm full-term (and 2-6 weeks until the kicker makes his appearance), it is unlikely that i'm going to 'grow' into them any time soon.

but the skirt? the skirt is amazing. the best thing about it is that i'll be able to wear it next winter, too. i might make an emergency run to jcrew to pick up a few extra long tanktops in the next week or so, but otherwise, i'm all set.

midwife appointment update for anyone who's interested:
he's measuring exactly right and is head down (although flailing his little rump from side to side).
'where's the head?' one midwife asked.
'it's down here.....Deep.' the other one replied as she dug her hands into my lower abdomen.
'oh yes, now i can feel it.'
'where? where?' i asked as i tried to feel for his head. alas, i couldn't find a thing.

i'm also obsessed with this site about fetal positioning. it has completely changed the way i sit while at the computer.

makie

makie sleeveless onesie, $58

there are piles of heavy wet snow outside, but i'm already thinking about summer. if you have a sewing machine, i can't imagine it would be too difficult to make this little onesie. i really like clothing that isn't too close-fitting, and i can't imagine anything cuter than chubby little arms and thighs in this comfy outift.

paige maternity denim

two months left....(31 weeks)

so i drove up to portsmouth, new hampshire, to this shop in the freezing rain because that's apparently what crazy pregnant people do, and picked up a pair of paige maternity jeans (laurel canyon, mckinley wash).

do i love them? sometimes yes, sometimes no. i bought them in a 29, which is supposedly the equivalent of a 6, even though i normally wear 28s in earnest sewn, habitual, and apc, because 'they' recommend you order at least one size up (if not two!) during your third trimester. anyway, the shop didn't have 28s, and i was convinced i needed maternity jeans Right Now.

in retrospect, a 28 would fit me better because this pair looks great until they start falling down. also, i would recommend a full-belly panel because this one hits at belly-button. i am still assuming that i will gain a bit more weight in non-belly regions, so these jeans will probably fit perfectly by february. or so i tell myself.

i'm not even bothering to hem them because i'm going to sell them on ebay as soon as i can. honestly, i'm so uncomfortable with the baby hitting my ribs that i'd probably still be quietly whining to myself even if someone gave me the most comfortable maternity outfit ever to wear.

oh, and he really likes to hang out on my right side, which may be a result of poor posture (hello bike bag) earlier in the pregnancy. i've been doing yoga stretches in a sad attempt to entice him to center himself, but to no avail. the midwife told me that the hard navel orange sized mass is his rump. this would be endearing if it weren't so uncomfortable every time he shifts his little behind. if you look carefully, you can see how skewed my belly is....

new silhouette, no. 1

for the past two years i've been buying loose boxy tunics, tops, and dresses, thinking that they would be perfect maternity options. and it's true that pretty much everything that i own (except for pants and skirts) will fit for most of the pregnancy. but i've since learned that i lack the height to pull off these now that i'm rounder. the belt is my new best friend, and the shorter the skirt or dress, the better.

i don't really want to spend money on maternity clothing, and i've never cared for spandex in my tops, but i think i look best with form-fitting stretchy tops with ruching like this isabella oliver kimono t-shirt. i would never wear anything this tight except as an undershirt before because it made me feel bigger than i am, but nowadays i feel rotund without that definition. go figure!

oh, and those leggings i mentioned the other day? i've discovered that i can fold the waistband over my unbuttoned skirt. i'll probably wear them as long underwear under my jeans, too, which means i won't have to wear the bella band as often. the other big problem with the bella band is that the back rides up, exposing my lower back if i'm not careful.





turtle and her favorite lena corwin pillows.

puffer vest = bad idea

i keep scolding matthew for taking such unflattering photos of me, especially now, but i think what's more problematic than the camera angle is the puffer vest. slouching doesn't help, either. good posture not only makes for a happy baby, but it also prevents me from looking like a garden gnome. anyway. clearly i need to retire the vest for the next 5 or 6 months....

by the way, my jeans are held up by the sheer elastic strength of the bella band. unfortunately, this stretchy piece of fabric is more like practicing triage than anything else. yes, it allows me to avoid buying maternity denim, but it also means that i have to periodically hike up my pants because the seat starts sagging almost immediately. i'm only 24 weeks, so imagine how difficult it's going to be in a month.

my new wardrobe solution is to focus on skirts, tunics, and dresses. unfortunately, maternity tights and leggings aren't very comfortable either. sometimes i look at myself in my underthings and think that i might as well throw in the towel and wear a unitard.

anyway, the makers of the bella band have just come out with a new line called 'essentials.' i ordered a pair of their leggings, and as less-than-perfect as the bella band is, these are amazing. soft, supportive, and not too constrictive at the waistband. i would buy a back-up pair, except they cost $52 and are out of stock.

i also highly recommend american apparel's foldover jersey yoga pants for slouching around the house. i only wish they offered them as leggings, too.





ok, back to more mid-semester grading madness. i have to go to houston on friday for a conference, which means my paper needs to be in better shape than it is. the other thing about being pregnant and working non-stop is that i've been fighting an uphill battle against fatigue since week 6. i won't go into the details of why i think caffeine in small amounts is safe (some people get really worked up about this), but i really really need my daily cup of tea in order to function.