Monday, October 18, 2010


thanks for all the comments, advice, and support. it appears leon is slowly settling back to his regular schedule. maybe it was a growth spurt. either way, it was scary to see how quickly things fell apart for me. i'm looking forward to the day when sleeping more than 3 hours at a time is normal rather than a special treat!

i just wanted to share a photo that was taken by a much much nicer camera (nikon slr of some sort). all i have is a canon powershot, nothing fancy. i was stunned by how beautiful this photo turned out. it made me a little wistful. i have so many blurry, grainy photos of leon as a newborn, and i wish i could go back in time and take better photos with a fancy camera.

if i were in the market for a new camera, but didn't want to spend $900, what would you recommend for an active toddler who is often photographed indoors (less than ideal lighting)? i sent this photo to my parents in a not-so-subtle attempt to convince/guilt them to buy us a new camera for christmas + my birthday. after all, they're leon's biggest fans, and who wouldn't want to plaster their fridge with crisp, high res photos of their beloved grandbaby?

Friday, October 8, 2010

coming full circle

all the things leon used to do, he's doing again. crying for over an hour nonstop. crying until he vomits. napping for less than an hour (in the car, in the stroller, in the bed, doesn't matter). it's like trench warfare, and we've lost ground again on sleep training. he demands 'mommy' at 10 or 11 pm instead of 2 or 3 am. he screams and vomits...i come and nurse him. he doesn't nurse during the day unless he's upset. he nurses continuously from when i go in at night until morning.

twice in the past week he's fallen asleep in my lap while nursing--at 6 pm. this is a boy who has insisted on falling asleep between 8 and 9 pm for the past 6 months, and never before 7.30 since he was 4 months old. the early bedtime (no dinner, no bath), plus the less than 1 hour nap (in the car, which was fool proof for nearly 11 months), and i'm about to fall apart. it's as if the small gains we made in the past 6 months make the setbacks that much harder to take.

my love is stretched thin. leon is a toddler. he's stubborn. he pushes against me, unable to articulate fully enough. his motor skills aren't good enough to use chopsticks or pull on his shoes. he's not quite ready for the toilet, but he's fed up with diapers, fed up with being carted around, pushed and prodded and dressed and undressed like he's a doll. i would be fed up, too. we're working on the motor skills, working on the steps to independence. he cuts his own cheese with a butter knife. i'm going to set up a water station as soon as i can figure out where to put it. i'm trying so hard, but i'm stretched thin. my love is stretched thin, and it makes me afraid.