Monday, April 20, 2009

8 weeks

march 28

april 7

april 15

is sophie getting smaller? i wish i had started taking photos with sophie earlier, but oh well. i'm not disciplined enough. i tried to take a belly photo every week, but i lost my resolve at about week 34. one of these days i'll make a collage of them for this blog.

leon is 8 weeks old now, and all i can say is that he is I-N-T-E-N-S-E. i don't want to say he's difficult, or 'bad,' because really, it's just that he's easily bored and very impatient (like his mom). things haven't gotten easier in terms of his personality, but we sleep more and breastfeeding is less difficult--although i had to pump the past two nights in order to prevent engorgement yet again.

maybe extra sleep makes his behavior more tolerable for me. or maybe i'm getting used to his outbursts. but what i thought was slow improvement 3 weeks ago has stalled, maybe even regressed. i've put him in a sling, jiggled, whooshed, sung, strolled, cuddled, danced, rocked, swaddled, tummy timed, bathed, walked away, counted to 10, and started all over again.

i'm not sure what to do about his intense need to suck. not a huge fan of pacifiers (they get dirty, cover his adorable face, etc...). i have this paranoid fear that he will become dependant on them for soothing. but at the same time, this human pacifier is becoming increasingly worn out. so, i'm basically waiting, hoping he'll start sucking his fist. in the meantime, a finger is offered when he's particularly inconsolable. for the most part, though, constant work on my part to keep the Gummi Bear amused has been successful.

this just means that i've done absolutely no work since he was born. 8 weeks of trying out various soothing methods, wondering whether my decision to postpone/forgoe the bottle and the pacifier is going to set my dissertation back. wondering whether i'll actually finish the thing and graduate in a year. receiving a letter from Sallie Mae about my undergrad loan deferment, worrying that i'm not doing enough for my career, for leon.

so, i have a guest lecture to give in 9 days for my adviser's class on suburbs. i'm going to present part of a chapter that i haphazardly wrote while in labor. it should be pretty lowkey, but i've procrastinated long enough. if the weather holds today, i might go to the nursery to buy plants for the deck with leon and my mom (she's leaving friday). but really, i need to get work done. it's just difficult to step away from leon when he's either crying or smiling. boy, i wish he would nap more during the day.


Stephanie said...

The pressure of adapting to a new baby with a dissertation looming - I can't imagine what that must be like. Two competing, completely disharmonious timelines. It must be a little like trying to steer a boat pounded by continuous waves of stress.

I think going to go buy plants sounds like a good idea.

theaftermathkitchen said...

go with a pacifier... just find something non-toxic. do not feel guilty about it.

it will be worth it for you. he will eventually ween off of it... and you need/want/deserve the break.

you are already a great mom.

pam said...

At this point, don't be paranoid about anything -- even the dirt on a pacifier. Babies are imminently sturdy -- and C. had a bottle in her mouth until she was 3-1/2 (embarrassed I did that -- but you do what keeps them happy). End result? Her teeth are perfect -- no bottle mouth. So put a pacifier in his mouth and let him have at it. And don't worry about the chapters -- things will get easier and you'll get that thing finished.

melissa said...

Things will get easier - the first 12 weeks are the hardest, tiring and trying. I have a 4.5mth and a 2.5yr old (now there's a demanding age!) and even on our very good days, I still go to bed feeling frazzled.

They both wanted to suck constantly, so we went with a pacifier (or dummy, as we call them in Australia) and it worked a treat. Ben swapped his at around 12 weeks for his fingers and he still sucks them now (a sure sign that he's tired). Emmeline I can't see giving hers up anytime soon, but it's the difference between her crying and settling quietly, so we do it . . . complete with socks on her little hands to stop her from taking it out since she is at the "I need to hold everything in my fat little fingers" phase.

I'm all for pacifiers - they have saved my sanity! Pacifier or not, Leon is a gorwing, healthy, beaufitul little boy, so you must be doing something right!