Thursday, August 6, 2009
the many faces of leon
leon is holding steady with his sleep patterns. a 4 hour stretch in the late evening, and then 2-3 hour segments before waking up at 5.30-6am. this morning he napped for 1.5 hours. it was truly amazing. the afternoon? not so much.
the car ride to and from middlebury, vt., was very rough. he managed to sleep a solid hour each way, but otherwise spent his time crying, crying, and crying. i stopped pretty frequently to change his diaper and feed him. at one point i pulled over to check his temperature, i was so worried that he had a fever. my voice was hoarse by the end of the trip because i sang to him non-stop. poor leon. for a kid who doesn't really nap, it's pretty boring and frustrating to be stuck in the back of the car alone for hours. the only way he'll become sleepy is if he plays or is active. strapped into a car seat, his only option is to cry until he's exhausted.
everything else is taking a backseat to leon. i was jogging at least three times a week, but not so much in the past few weeks. i feel completely worn out, more than a little ragged around the edges. carrying him around all day feels like enough of a work-out, but i know i'd probably feel better if i continued exercising. my baby development books warns that spoiling your child can begin as early as 5.5 months. this is probably the last thing i should be worrying about, but it's hard to keep him active and engaged every single minute of the day. the second i stop playing with him, the whining begins. i'm suppposed to avoid the intentional cry, and yet it doesn't look like i'll be successful on this front. leon is always 'on,' except for those rare moments when he's sleeping. he doesn't know how to keep himself amused for even a minute. i am looking forward to the day when i can eat my lunch without him in my lap. the hardest part is trying to keep the food and plates away from his grabby little hands. no wonder i'm turning into a wraith.
this has been frustrating, exhausting, and emotionally draining. i used to tell myself that it would get better, but after 5 months, it is what it is. it isn't really an issue of things getting better. things change, new challenges arise. but he's such a little charmer. all i can do is keep moving and enjoy the good moments without overthinking the bad.