4.00--freak out in the car (overtired)
4.25--nap attempt in crib, failed.
5.45--book, lullaby, nursing
6.15--falls asleep in crib (rocking, lullaby)
7.20--awake, crawling, crying
7.45--refuses to be put back in the crib.
8.00--banshee wailing. i'm on the verge of losing it, thankfully matthew is in the room to make sure nothing bad happens.
8.05--i decide it's time to cry it out. i.e., i can't take it any more (did i mention SEVEN months of this?). we sit in the living room and watch the clock.
8.15--i tell matthew to check on leon to make sure he hasn't thrown up
8.16--i peek in and see him holding leon. what happened to crying it out??
8.30--leon is in my arms, drifting off to sleep and then jerking awake to scream periodically.
8.45--i put him in the crib so i can go into the living room for a second. i'm losing it again.
8.46--we go back into the room to see leon standing up in the crib. yes, he can pull himself up to the standing position. yes, he's only just 7 months old.
8.47--leon is fully awake and smiling contentedly in my arms. we decide to put two foam mattresses on the floor in the little bedroom (7'x10' with noisy lightwell and 'walk-in' closet) because it's already pretty much child-proofed (and extremely warm in the winter). the huge bedroom is going to be our office/luxurious guest bedroom.
9.10--the details have been ironed out. leon and i climb into bed after several foam mattress pads have been placed strategically on the floor in case he starts crawling.
9.20--he's done with nursing and is laying on his side, facing me, eyes wide open, perfectly still. this is really creepy.
9.40--finally asleep. i roll off the bed and hightail it to the freezer for a sweet red bean popsicle. matthew says it's a good thing that leon was staring at me quietly. this means he's tired and knows he needs to sleep but doesn't need to cry to fall asleep. well, better that than having an alien-demon-possessed baby, i guess.
the fact that we were giving in earlier with each consecutive night wasn't a good sign. my mental state is in the danger zone, leon behaves as if we've abandoned him, and matthew can't figure out what exactly i want to do. what a mess.
i'm ok with the new plan, even though i feel like a total flake. i told matthew i hope leon doesn't turn out like every pet i've owned. i'm terrible with consistency, especially when it comes to disciplining doe-eyed tiny creatures. my dog was completely wild, and the cats---well, you know how cats can be. mine are willful and bad-mannered, but of course i blame myself.
i hope we can move to a bigger place where i can have a large empty bedroom with a california king coco-fiber mattress on an extremely low platform bed, with tatami mats for leon to roll onto. now if only we could figure out a way to keep the night nursing to a minimum so he doesn't require a diaper change....