Tuesday, September 21, 2010

sleep training, one month later

so proud that he can pet turtle without mauling her.
19 months

just born
1 day old
1 week

1 month
2 months (at his plumpest. look at those thighs!)
6 months

10 months
1 year

1.5 years

at what point does the baby-ness go away entirely? leon has always been on the skinny side, which i think has made him look less babyish than most. his bright expressive face and constant activity also make him seem older than he is. he's still my dumpling, my first born and much adored baby, but i can't deny that he's been looking quite grown-up for a long while now.

sleep training and the natural weaning process that comes with my work schedule and longer stretches of sleep only reinforce this sense of time passing. plus he now says so many words including bye, mine, no, bird, straw, ball, balloon, truck, dig, draw, and more. i won't deny that i would like another soon, even as i worry that he or she might be as difficult in the sleep/feeding/activity department(s).

the sleep has been so hard. it has made me feel like a bad person. the overtiredness that becomes my new normal, that causes me to snap or have a meltdown seemingly out of the blue. the inability to focus on work. i've learned the importance of time-outs for myself. i still have to count to ten at least once a day in order to refocus. with these baby steps of sleep-training, i thought i would become more relaxed about minor set-backs. instead i've found them to be more daunting than when i was in the trenches. just catching a glimpse of a more normal sleep situation has made the set-backs hard to handle.

after nearly two weeks of leon falling asleep somewhat easily during both nap and bedtime, he finally figured out the new regime. suddenly 'book' and 'draw' were uttered in plaintive tones (which nearly melt my heart). 'night, night?' was now answered by a swift 'no, no!' and vigorous head shaking. my 1.5 year old was figuring out how to stall. bedtime has been taken over by matthew, who reads leon a few books and pats him to sleep. naps, however, have become semi-hellish for us both. 40-50 minutes of screaming, writhing, kicking and hitting. the rage that i used to feel whenever i attempted to sleep-train him has come flooding back. counting to 10, deep breaths....of course he goes down fairly quickly for naps when his two babysitters are with him (2 days a week). they rock him and sing songs until he falls asleep. when i try this, he glares stonily back at me. just like the old days, but with a bit more maturity on both our parts. he understands the routine but doesn't want to comply. i now know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, so i persevere.